What do you do?

“Hey, nice to meet you, Paul. What do you do, what’s your story?” 

My canned response, “I’m a Chef, you?”

How many times have you heard conversations like this? Someone asks, “What are you up to these days?” My typical response, “I am still at (insert whatever restaurant I happen to be working in), how about you?” I no longer have an all-defining answer to this question for a couple of reasons. One, although I am still a Chef and always will be; I don’t work in a restaurant at the moment. And two, because of an interesting conversation that sparked an alternate and enlightened perspective into this old brain about how we truly define ourselves.

I have a friend and colleague who grew up in the Netherlands. We were having a cocktail and comparing the cultural differences of being raised in our respective countries. Initially, we were talking about words that don’t translate well. “Gezelligheid”, she announced, “is the big one.” “I didn’t sneeze,” I said. “Gezellig” she added, “meaning cozy or inviting sort of...but not quite.” She asked me if I had ever heard of the Danish word, hygge. I said I had, and offered my Instagram inspired interpretation. “I picture a warm fire, candles, warm blankets and cuddled up with my wife”. “Exactly”, she encouraged, “but gezelligheid is not the same, not quite. Gezellig could be an experience, a great cozy restaurant, comradery with friends, or all of those things at the same time.” “That’s cool”, I exclaimed, “we don’t have that word”. She agreed that we undoubtedly do not. Nothing like it. That word is seriously huge in the Netherlands. It’s a part of everyday life and people use it and think about it daily. They are focused on great experiences and quality of life. I love that! 

The other point she brought up in that conversation really stuck with me and generated a new perspective about the way I view my life. When people are introduced and asked about themselves here in the US, they respond by saying what they do for work. “That is not what we do”, she said flatly. There is a totally different mindset in her country about how they identify themselves. What do you do? “That question prompts a very different response in the Netherlands,” she said. Even though she has a highly regarded position...when asked, she would naturally respond by saying that she was a mom and loves to read books. She would probably talk about what school she attended and what her major was, and that she loves to paint...you get the point. Isn’t that interesting? She doesn’t go immediately to stating, I’m the CEO of whatever the hell she is the CEO of.

She also noticed that the only places in the U.S. where she has experienced people that respond somewhat similarly are in places like Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana. Their response is usually about how they recreate. “I’m a hiker” or “I’m a skier,” or perhaps “I’m a fat tire racer.”

I think it is a bit sad that here in the US, we mainly identify who we are, by what we do for a living and not about how we live our lives. It’s all about work. What the hell is that? I’m a husband and a dad first! I have two wonderful children and an amazing wife. And I say “I’m a Chef?” What? That is what I do for work. I’m a dad for crying out loud, isn’t that more important? I’m a husband, a brother, a son, a really bad dancer, a guitar player, and a fly fisherman.

I work as a Chef, that is not who I am. Or, perhaps it is who I am or even more likely, how I perceive myself. Unfortunately, I believe it is how we define ourselves here...by what we do to make money. Wouldn’t it be interesting if we really thought about changing our focus to who we are outside of what we do for a living? I believe our perspectives, about what is truly important in our lives...may shift. What you do for a living is not necessarily who you are, it’s what you do to earn money. That is her point, and I believe it is a truly great one. I am so much more than a Chef... (or at least I should be.) Careers that take up a majority of your lifetime and mind capacity, like being a professional chef or a CEO, can consume your life. Does it define who you are? Perhaps in some instances, it does to a large part, but never entirely. And the better question is, should it?

Interesting perspective, don’t you think? Proof positive that we can learn so much by engaging with people of other cultures, backgrounds, and ethnicities! Talk to people outside your circle and open your mind. 

I’m a dad, a musician, and an old dog’s personal ball thrower. You?

 What are you up to? 

I wish you all... gezelligheid!